It’s ok to feel like crap even when things are awesome

Some deep AF thoughts

The Japanese word Komorebi refers to ‘the sunlight that filters through the leaves of trees’.

How great is that?!

There are loads of other words like this that don’t exist in the English language; words that give meaning to something meaningful–something that is prevalent and exists for many people, so much so that it was given its own wonderful word.

I want a word to be given to that feeling–you know the one, the one this blog post is named after– because I know enough people have experienced it, that it is significant and should be recognized. Give it a word! A word that will allow us to unite together under a single sentiment. Instead of feeling overwhelmed or guilty because we feel like shit for a little bit even when things are totally going our way… THAT needs a word. Amiright?

I think, by the simple act of acknowledging our discomfort aka our shit mood, we give ourselves some perspective on our situation and we can recover with a little more compassion for ourselves. In the past, I have done the exact opposite and have tried everything within my power to avoid my discomfort by ultimately causing myself more pain. I was the master of avoiding my grief or misery or whatever the hell you wanna call it, and in the process became an asshole. On so many levels.

The ego is an entitled bastard sometimes. In the past, I let it get away with emotional murder. Now? I let myself feel crappy for a little bit and I don’t feel guilty about it and I don’t try and run from it or hide from it. I acknowledge the momentary stank, and then come back to all the awesomeness that is surrounding me.

Looking to the recent future (and trying not to freak out)

I have created a little routine for myself since arriving in southeast England. I wake up at 7am, I make coffee, I sit outside on the veranda and I write uninterrupted for one hour. Usually the property begins to stir around 8:00 or 8:30am, so I have a precious little window of solitude. Anyone who creates knows that there is a sweet spot, that time of day or night when you feel your most inspired and clear headed– like pissing rainbows off the top of the Empire State Building!

It feels that good.

Up until recently, I was haphazardly jotting 3-line recaps of our days in my journal. I had forsaken any kind of writing ritual, it was like I was refusing to allow myself that time and space to create and do something I enjoy. And the result of that was an overall funky countenance. So I started making a little bit of time for myself each morning and all of the half finished ideas and weird thoughts in my head finally have a place to go.

This has also allowed me to get clear on a few things. 2 months in to our trip and I know now, without a doubt, that I can not-will not- be suitable for any kind of restrictive work environment again, (cubicles, below ground offices, business casual dress codes) you know, the kinds of things we put up with because we don’t believe there is another option. “I’m just glad to have this job…” Don’t sell yourself short, swee’art.

My plan is to acquire work I can do remotely. Yup. From anywhere I damn well please, as long as I have a computer and internet connection. Spiritual diva and down-to-earth sage, Danielle LaPorte says, “We all have a deep need to be helpful, it’s how our soul gets its exercise.” Ain’t that the truth?! I gotta manifest this, put it in writing right here and now, so I am held accountable when fear and self-doubt creep in. I am proclaiming these goals because they do no good bottled up… and I like to you think that you, dear reader, are quietly rooting for me.

Make up your mind, change your mind. Do something.

Here are some typical responses I get when I meet new people and they ask about our trip: So, just on vacation then? Oh, wow, a whole year? How can you afford that?? You are so lucky! I wish I had that life. I wish I could go and travel. Hmm, life must be tough (followed by a patronizing grin and chuckle).

Fuck that. It’s not about wishes or luck or money. It is simply about choice. You have a choice in the direction your life takes. Perhaps, you have just been making the wrong choices. I know I was. Make some choices that will totally revolutionize the trajectory of your life. I dare you!

It bums me out when I meet really great people who’s default response to anything potentially exciting or new or interesting is always negative and dismissive. Don’t give up so easy! Remember: youhaveachoice. youhaveachoice. youhaveachoice.

I’m not sure if this makes sense. It’s still quite early in the morning and I’ve already had 3 cups of coffee, and I’m excited to be heading to London tomorrow and then on to Spain to begin a new leg of our journey. But I do know that I made a choice 10 months ago to alter my incredibly mediocre path in exchange for a challenge. To allow inspiration to ascend through discomfort, and to see parts of the world unknown to me and to experience it with my daughter. So here we are now.

Keep Calm & Crumpet On.

3 thoughts on “It’s ok to feel like crap even when things are awesome

  1. Love, love, love your attitude, woman! It’s hard not having a 9-5 job and not everyone can handle the fluidity and lack of security. I know you will find a way to have the flexibility you crave. It’s exciting to see how you are navigating your year abroad. I am also enjoying your insights into countries I love and those I have yet to explore.

    BTW, where will you be in Italy? Dom and I are tentatively planning to be there from mid December to mid January. Perhaps we can meet up.

    • Thanks Louise! It can be a little overwhelming traveling, volunteering, and doing online school with my daughter! However December-Feb we will be mostly stationary and in Italy and Croatia w/o any volunteering, so we will be able to get caught up on… life! 🙂 We will be staying in Florence but I aplan on doing some traveling around the country on my own while P is with her dad. YES! Let’s try and meet up!

  2. WORD!!!!! Fuck those who don’t open their eyes. Those who feel like their lives they live now are all they can have, just because they don’t look elsewhere. You’ve got this girlfriend. Love you!

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